


A terrible, horrible mistake.

by Verified_Info



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Screw the rebels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26156026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verified_Info/pseuds/Verified_Info
Summary: Stormtroopers are the backbone of the imperial army, feared throughout the inner and outer rim. But not every trooper is well trained. Some are stupid. This is a story, about these idiots
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

[18:00]  
-East side of Tatooine-  
________________________

"Do you think we get paid enough?"

The trooper being questioned paused before looking back to answer. "What?"

The other shrugged. "I don't know, we risk our lives, and we get like eight credits a year."  
The first trooper scoffed. He hated when his partner acted like this.

"All of our needs are fulfilled by the empire. We don't need credits."  
"What about retirement money?"

Trooper One looked back. "Are you serious? You can't possibly be sincere right now. We have blasters, armor, vehicles, rations, and beds. And on top of all of that, you want extra credits."

Trooper Two shrugged. "Yeah."

One groaned, as he he turned back to his post. The duo remained in a slightly awkward silence for a few minutes. 

___________________

"Nice going."

One hesitated before looking back. "I'm sorry, but what?"

Two threw his hands up into the air before specifying. "You picked the most boring and hot job in the entire Empire, and convinced me to come along with you!"

One tilted his head for a moment. "Are you complaining about NOT doing work? We still get paid!"

Two snorted. "Not like the payment we receive is useful for much." 

One Hooked his E-11 to his back before placing his hands on his hips. "Fine. What would YOU like for us to do?"

Two thought of some choices.

"Scariff would've been nice."  
"As in the planet that was annihilated by the Death Star?"  
"At least then we wouldn't have to worry about retirement."

One balled his fists. His partner who he was supposed to trust with his life was a complete idiot.

"Okay then, next rotation, I'll let you pick our post. I'm sure you'll somehow figure out how to get us killed."  
"What, you think I'm gonna get us shipped to a black hole?"  
"You'd probably manage!"

Two rolled his eyes, not like it'd help from under his helmet, before sitting down, planting himself unto one of the containers they were meant to defend. 

One took a step back. "Careful with that, they're filled with explosives." 

Two considered this, before looking back. 

"So they just gave us some bombs and told us to sit tight?  
"Were supposed to be waiting for a TX-130 to pick it up.  
"Does it have a schedule."  
"Huh. Yeah. C'mo, give it to me."

One's hand was raised out, much to Two's confusion. "What do you mean?"  
One rolled his eyes at his partners incompetence. 

"The schedule. I told you to grab it before we left."  
"........Ooooooh, yeah. Yeah sorry, it's not with me."  
"What?! I told you to specifically grab it! What were you doing?"

".....The cafe was on sale."  
"You've got to be kidding me."  
"Survival comes first."  
"Survival? If we miss this job, we're not going to survive!" 

One began frantically pacing, knowing his doom from Vader was all but certain, before being stopped.

"Ah, quit your whining, they just showed up."

One looked over to see what his partner was speaking of, to see a land speeder pull up to their post.

"See? Nothing to worry-"

Two's sentence was cut short, as a trio of rifles was pointed at them.  
A group of rebels came from the passenger seats, and loaded the crates onto the vehicle, while the driver kept his aim centered.

Once they were done, they strapped the cases onto the rear, and sped off, leaving the duo with no shipment to be found. Just as they began to calm down, a light Imperial Tank rolled onto the scene, as an Imperial Engineer emerged from the canopy. 

"So, where's the explosives shipment you're supposed to be carrying?"

One looked over at two, hesitant in his motions. 

"I'm going to lose my job.


	2. Chapter 2

[Theres not really time in space]  
-Imperial Victory Class Destroyer-

_______________________________

"Explain to me again what happened?"  
"We were ambushed while defending our shipment."

The Imperial officer tasked with logging the events that had unfolded, wasn't very convinced. 

"Really?"  
"Yup."  
The officer rose an eyebrow. "So you were ambushed, while facing the attackers." One squirmed for a bit.

"The suns were glaring on my visor."

The officer scoffed, not fooled by their attempts at saving face. "Well, I'm sure you'll have fun explaining this to Vader."

One almost choked. 

"Vader...is onboard?"  
"No. But soon."  
"You're certain."

The officer smirked. "Of course. He'll be here in a few Hours, Corusant time. Until then, you're free. Be at the bridge by 5:00pm."

The officer waved them off, letting the two troopers pass.  
Once they had made it to the barracks, Two gave an audible sigh of relief.

"I think that went well."

One shot his head towards his direction. "Are you crazy? Vader going to be, and we're gonna get force chocked! At BEST!"

Two snorted, before tapping the alarm clock.

"It's still 2:00, we still have three hours to figure something out."  
"Figure what out? If we're not there, they'll just send a search party out for us. And then the consequences will be even worse!"

Two put his head on his hand, thinking for a moment. 

"Let's hide."  
"Where? It's a small ship, they'll find us unless....Huh. I wonder..."

One rose from his bed, stretching. 

"We have to disguise ourselves."  
"We all look the same."  
"Actually, the armor is different for the women. I have an idea."

"Please, don't tell me you're going to try to disguise yourself as one of the Female ranks?"

One looked back over. Two couldn't see his face, but would bet the entire Empire that he was grinning like a madman.

"That's precisely my intention."

Two groaned. For once, he wasn't the idiot. 

"How are you even going to grab one of the outfits? The women barracks are closed at this time, and even if they weren't, all the girls would be there!"

One rolled his shoulders, his body language yelling confidence.

"Just follow me."

_______________________

[2:15pm | Corusant Time]  
________________________

One and Two walked down the hallway, making their way towards the barracks. 

"It's just a few minutes from lunch time, so everybody is already down at the Cafe already."  
"Everybody?"  
"Well, maybe a few stragglers are still on the upper decks, but we shouldn't run into any-"

Before One finished his sentenced, they turned the corner to meet face to face with a Female Soldier.

"-body."

The woman looked them up and down. 

"What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be at the Cafe already?"

Two sputtered before coming up with a reply.

"I could ask you the same thing."  
"I was going to the Cafe before you guys came here. Speaking of which, where are you heading?"

One thought of a few hundred answers.

"Uhm, the bathroom." The lady tilted her head.

"Both of you?"  
"Yup."  
"At the same time. While walking together?"  
"Shut up."

She out her hands up in mock surrender. "Fine I won't judge.....Except for the fact that you're obviously heading for the Women's Barracks."

One was pretty sure Two was hyperventilating.

"I, Uh- Whata? I mean-" One cleared his throat. "Excuse me, what?"

The girl put her hands on her hips, unamused. "You know I could repot you to HR for that right?"

Two froze. Then his body reacted before his brain could tell them "No", and struck her in the jaw, knocking her out almost immediately. 

The two troopers froze, staring at the unconscious body lying at their feet, before One slowly turned to Two. 

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"  
"I'm sorry, I panicked!"  
"So you knocked her out?!"  
"Evidently."

One groaned in irritation, walking away before turning back. 

"Well...at least we got one outfit. Just need one more."

Two looked back to his speaking comrade.

"Oh, uh, yeah. We should probably hide the body first. 

The duo then spent two minutes dragging her to a bed.

One stretched his limbs. "Should probably find another set of armor, quick."  
"Right. I'll check the lockers, you check the beds."

[2:35pm | Corusant Time]

One finnaoy found an outfit after 5 minutes of searching.

"Alright, found one." Two grabbed it, and held it to his body for comparison. "Little small, don't you think? 

"Just shut up and put it on."

After making their way to a bathroom, and changing their outfits, they returned to be greeted by a loud speaker.

"Attention. To the two troopers scheduled for a 'meeting' with Lord Vader, please report to the bridge immediately. Vader has arrived ahead of schedule. All personal are permitted to observe at their leisure. Good day."

One looked over to his partner. "Maybe we should go, just to avoid suspicion." Two hummed. "Fine, but be subtle."

[2:40pm | Coruscant Time] 

Two instantly regretted his decision to cone along. Deep mechanical breathing was the loudest sound in the room. The whirs and clicks of the ship controls seem to have silenced themselves. Maybe out of fear. 

The officer who had questioned the duo earlier seemed uneasy. He slowly looked up towards Vader. 

"It appears the two troopers who were meant to arrive have failed to show."

He didn't get an answer. 

Vader walked towards One. It seemed almost accusative. But why would he be accused of- .....Oh crap. Could he actually sense fear? Maybe he was just a part time detective. Either way, One was sure he was dead. It felt like the south was looming over him, despite only standing straight.

"I feel as though you are nervous."  
"Well-" One stopped, fixing his voice to be more lady like.

"Well, I feel like this was kind of a waste of time."

Two almost died of second hand embarrassment. 

Vader stared at one for about two seconds. They felt like hours. Vader hummed, before deciding to leave. 

"Lieutenant."

The Imperial officer coughed. 

"Yes, lord Vader?"  
"Prep my ship. I'm leaving."  
"Yes, my lord. I will contact you when ready."

Two tapped one on the back, whispering.

"Hey, dude."  
"What?"  
"This armor is too tight! I have to go!"  
"We haven't been dismissed yet."  
"I don't care!"

One smacked Two across his head.

"Vader will kill you!"  
"I don't care!"  
"Two, I am telling you, get back in line."

Their voices began to rise, causing some of the crew to turn towards them.

"I want to be free!"  
"TWO, shut UP!"  
"I WANT TO BE FREE!"

Just then, two ripped his chest plate off, collapsing to his knees.

The entire crew stared at them. Vader stood still.  
One wanted to die. 

Vader stalked towards them. One coughed obviously.

"I am, uh, not associated with him." Vader didn't seem amused. 

"Lieutenant. I believe I've found the missing troopers.

One was definitely screwed.


End file.
